relationships - dating - love - intimacy - health
The way you think about your relationships, the skills and attitudes you bring to them and the time and effort you put in can make all the difference. People are social creatures and relationships matter to us. We enjoy them, we cry over them and we're curious about how to get our relationships to be the way we want them. How well your relationships work can have a big impact on how satisfied you feel with life. Stimulating, resilient, satisfying relationships with partners, friends and family rank high on many people's wish list for a happy life.
An exercise to help you become aware of your own jealous tendancies and to take action before it's too late. If you do this exercise when you're feeling angry or upset with your partner, you'll get quite a different picture. Make sure you're OK before you do it..


Take two sheets of paper each and do the exercise individually before talking about it together.

What to do
Take your first sheet of paper and divide it into two columns. Call the first column "My jealousy triggers." Under this heading, write down as many things as you can remember that have made you jealous in the past. Include things that happened in previous relationships as well as your current one. You might want to list things such as hearing stories about your partner's ex, knowing someone else fancies them and flirting at parties.

Call the second column "Thoughts and feelings." Read back over the first column and write down all the thoughts and feelings you remember having around the time of those triggers. For example, flirting at parties may have left you feeling left out and resentful.

Divide the second sheet of paper into two columns as well. Call the first column "What I can do to help myself" and the second one "What my partner can do to help me." Under each heading, write down as many ideas as you can, making them as specific as possible to the triggers on your list.

In the first column you may include things such as "Seek reassurance," "Ask for information" and "Use positive self-talk." In the other you might have "Be affectionate and attentive," "Don't talk to ex," "Agree boundaries for flirting."
Talk it through

When you've both completed your lists, sit down and share what you've written. This should give you a better understanding of the things that create jealousy in your relationship and help you devise ways of managing it.