CHATTING SOMEONE UP!
have to create opportunities where you can subtly talk to someone
without it feeling like you're chatting them up!
means thinking of 'approach scenarios' rather than just chat-up
lines. Create a situation where you can start a conversation and
be adventurous in the way you go about it. It doesn't have to
be in a bar, party or club, supermarkets are also ideal places
to meet people.
sure you're looking good; prepare yourself as if you are going
out (dress accordingly, even if it's only a supermarket you still
want to look the business).
a trolley rather than a basket as this offers you more mobility.
Scrutinise the trolleys and baskets of fellow shoppers - when
you notice the frozen meal for one or a lone bottle of chardonnay
make your approach.
wine section is always a good choice. Ice breakers you could use
are: "Excuse me, sorry to interrupt but I'm cooking pasta
tonight and only usually drink white wine - my guests are all
into red, can you recommend something?" or "Excuse me
(again 'sorry to interrupt' shows good manners, another attractive
quality) I wonder if you can help me, I know nothing about white
wine could you recommend something to go with salmon steaks?".
you have instigated the conversation, the wheels are in motion!
A note for men
Take care when chatting women up that you don't come on too
strong as a woman on her own could find this intimidating. Also,
women are naturally more helpful and ready to assist and don't
mind providing assistance altruistically without a need for gain
or reward. While seeking advice make sure you're getting the 'she's
interested signals' and not in 'general help mode'.
A note for women
It's important to remember that men function on a different
level to women. If they're attracted to you or interested they'll
not only talk about the wine, they'll enquire about the dish you're
cooking and find any excuse to keep the conversation going.
Match your listener's mood
One third of initial impressions come from how we say things.
The tone, inflection and delivery are very important.
of the key things in initiating conversation is to match your
listener's mood, even if it's just for a moment, because misreading
this can kill the conversation from the outset.
you approach someone who's caught your eye you have to make a
quick judgement. Gauge whether they're buoyant, quiet or bored
and then adjust your tone accordingly.
your approach will have to be a little different, depending on
where you are. In the park for instance, you need to have a light
and easy banter - "Where's the café or pavilion?"
whereas in a pub or club you can be a bit more cheeky and flirty.
Five tips for success
Avoid cheesy chat up lines and focus more on 'approach scenarios'.
Ask questions and show a genuine interest in what the other person
Match your listener's mood.
Having engaged your potential date in conversation don't over-stay
your welcome. Remember less is more!
When you've secured the phone number of your potential date it's
a good idea to text message them (if they have a mobile). Texting
means there is no pressure on either side.