FLIRTING AND BODY LANGUAGE!
differ but most experts agree it takes us between 90 seconds and
four minutes to decide if we fancy someone - and as much as we'd
like to think it all rests on that witty one-liner, it doesn't.
per cent of the impression we get from someone comes through our
per cent is from the tone, speed and inflection of our voice and
a mere seven per cent is from what we're actually saying!
This doesn't mean you can get away with droning on about your
passion for snails and butterfly collection forever (content is
crucial later), but it does mean you need to get the body language
right straight away or they won't bother to stick around to find
out how fascinating you are.
you're not already feeling horribly self-conscious, you should
be. To make you completely paranoid, here's another scary thought.
Before you've even spoken to the person you've got your eye on,
the way you've walked and stood is more than 80 per cent of their
first impression of you!
make snap judgements based on instinct but the fact is, almost
every facet of our personality is evident from our appearance,
posture and the way we move.
how do we tell if our body is sending the right signals - and
(more importantly) how to read theirs? Let your body do the talking
(and the flirting) by learning to recognise...
The five secret sexual signals that someone is flirting with you
The flirting triangle.
When we look at people we're not familiar with (in a business
situation for instance), our eyes make a zig-zag motion: we look
from eye to eye and across the bridge of the nose.
friends, the look drops below eye level and moves into a triangle
shape: we look from eye to eye but also look down to include the
nose and mouth.
we start flirting, the triangle gets even bigger - it widens at
the bottom to include their good bits (like the body). The more
intense the flirting, the more intensely we'll look from eye to
eye - and the more time we'll spend looking at their mouth.
someone is watching your mouth while you're talking to them, it
can be very, very seductive. It could be that they're imagining
what it would be like to kiss you.
This is what separates a good flirt from a great flirt: nothing
will bond you more effectively than mirroring someone's behaviour.
This simply means you do whatever it is they do. If they lean
forward to tell you something intimate, you lean in to meet them.
If they sit back to take a sip of their drink and look you in
the eye, you pause then follow suit.
theory behind mirroring is that we like people who are like us.
If someone is doing what we're doing, we feel they're on the same
level as us and in the same mood as we are.
are two no-go areas with this one, though: firstly, only mirror
positive body language; second, capture the spirit rather than
mimicking them. As a general rule, wait around 50 seconds before
following their gestures.
When we first see someone we're attracted to, our eyebrows rise
and fall. If they are similarly attracted, they raise their eyebrows
in return. Never noticed? It's not surprising since the whole
thing lasts only about a fifth of a second!
not consciously aware of doing it, but it's a gesture that is
duplicated by every culture on Earth. In fact, some experts claim
it's the most instantly recognised non-verbal sign of greeting
used by humans.
trick is to watch for it when you meet someone you fancy. Better
still, tell them you're interested on a subconscious level by
prolonging your eyebrow flash for up to one second - deliberately
raise them while catching their eye for full impact.
Sneak a peek at what their feet and hands are doing - we tend
to point toward the person we're interested in. If we find someone
attractive, we'll often point at them subconsciously with our
hands arms, feet, legs, toes.
it's an unconscious indicator to make our intentions known. Unconsciously,
this is often picked up by the other person, without them really
if you've got your eye on someone in the corner, point your body
in their direction - even if you don't make eye contact, they
may take the hint.
If someone likes what they see, their pupil size increases and
so does their blink rate. If you want to up the odds in your favour,
try increasing the blink rate of the person you're talking to,
by blinking more yourself. If the person likes you, they'll unconsciously
try to match your blink rate to keep in sync with you, which in
turn, makes you both feel more attracted to each other!
one final word before you go rushing off to the nearest bar to
practise all this. Before you go, you must understand...
The golden rule of body language
judge on one thing alone. Sitting with your arms crossed is often
perceived as a defensive, stand-off posture. But it might also
mean you're freezing cold, you're having a fat day or just spilt
coffee all over your top!
jump to conclusions, instead look for clusters of behaviour. If
someone has their arms crossed and their lips are pursed disapprovingly,
it's a fairly safe bet they are on the defensive. Most body language
experts favour the Rule of Four, which means look for at least
four signals suggesting the same thing before totally believing
Safety on dates
* Arrange to meet for coffee or lunch rather than dinner. Not
only are you safer in the day but you don't waste time if it doesn't
work. Help prevent any unwanted chasing (which might turn into
stalking) by being polite but not leading them on. If you don't
fancy them, just say '"You're a lovely person, but unfortunately,
not what I was looking for."
* Stick to an area that's well lit with lots of people around.
It's a good idea to meet in a place where you're known so the
person you're with can be identified. Chat away to the waiter/waitress
so it's obvious you've been seen with them.
* Don't invite strangers to your home and don't go to theirs until
you know them very well.
* Trust your gut instinct and listen carefully to their relationship
history. Are they using the service for the right reasons or are
they just after sex?
* Give the details of your date to several friends - where you'll
be, the time you'll meet, the person's name, phone number and
address. Get them to phone you an hour into the date to check
you're OK; you phone them a few hours later to report in again.