and your partner should take it in turns, on alternate days, to
be the asker.
it's your turn, think of something you'd like from your partner
during that day. The request should be specific, realistic and
achievable. Avoid vague requests like "Be affectionate"
or "Be nice to me." Choose instead things like "Kiss
me goodbye" or "Take the dog out for me." (For
further more ideas, see below.)
you ask, you need to make it clear it's that day's intimacy request.
The aim of the exercise is to build intimacy, so keep your
requests small and specific. Asking for things you know your partner
won't want to do is likely to make you feel further apart, not
As the person being asked, you have the right to say no to
any intimacy request. In this case, the asker can't have another
request that day and has to wait until it's their turn again.
both partners are able to say no, it's unlikely that a reasonable
request will be turned down as the giver knows they may be jeopardising
their request the next day.
* Let's go for a walk.
* Bring me a cup of tea in bed.
* Give me a hug.
* Buy me flowers.
* Say you love me.
* Give me a massage or a foot rub.
* Talk to me about your day.
* Do a household chore.
* Phone me during the day.
* Let's watch TV or a film together.
* Send me a text message.
* Meet me online during the day.
you keep the exercise going, you'll find that in a few weeks it
becomes easier to ask for what you want, and receiving requests
feels more natural. If it's working well, you might decide to
drop the formality of alternate days and build intimacy requests
into your relationship routine.
If completing this exercise leaves you feeling uncomfortable
or you have concerns about your relationship, try talking it through
with your partner or a trusted friend. Alternatively, you might
want to consider seeing a relationship counsellor.