and your partner may choose to do the exercise at the same time
or on separate occasions and then share your discoveries later.
best to dedicate a whole evening to this task.
need five sheets of paper and head them up as follows: Career,
Home, Family, Possessions and Pastimes.
Taking as much time as you need, write down on each page all
the things you hope for under that heading Note down all the realistic
goals you're currently aiming for and the things you'd like to
aspire to in the future. Think as far ahead as you can into retirement
and old age.
following questions may help:
* Career - work or not? What sort of job? Location,
salary, hours? Self-employed? Employed? The same job all your
life or will you change direction?
* Home - where? How many homes? What style? Will you settle in
one place or move regularly?
* Family - children? If so, how many and how will you educate
them? Will you live close to parents, brothers and sisters? How
often will you see them? How much involvement will they have with
* Possessions - what are the essentials? What luxuries do you
definitely want? What would be added bonuses?
* Pastimes - social life and friends: how much time and how often?
Hobbies and relaxation time: how much time will you spend as a
couple, how much time apart? Will you share activities or have
Once you've completed these lists, take some time to think
about why you'd like to achieve these things. What is the need
in you that achieving this goal will satisfy? Is it security,
popularity or your own satisfaction? Or maybe it's about maintaining
certain core values in your life, such as caring for family or
giving to society. Sharing this information with your partner
will help you to feel closer and build intimacy.
For more on your priorities, dreams and values have a look
at Do you want the same things?
completing this exercise leaves you feeling uncomfortable or you
have concerns about your relationship, try talking it through
with your partner or a trusted friend. Alternatively, you might
want to consider seeing a relationship counsellor.