A WALK ON THE BEACH
A GUIDE TO PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
relationships - dating - love - intimacy - health
The way you think about your relationships, the skills and attitudes you bring to them and the time and effort you put in can make all the difference. People are social creatures and relationships matter to us. We enjoy them, we cry over them and we're curious about how to get our relationships to be the way we want them. How well your relationships work can have a big impact on how satisfied you feel with life. Stimulating, resilient, satisfying relationships with partners, friends and family rank high on many people's wish list for a happy life.
MAKING LOVE - 5. QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
My guy loses his erection when we change positions - How can I try different positions when I'm self-conscious about my body? - How do I "69" with my guy? - Why does he love doggie-style so much? - He's way taller than me - How can we spice up the man-on-top position?

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS!

My guy loses his erection when we change positions
I like to make sex more interesting with my guy by switching positions. Unfortunately, he loses his erection when he slips out while we're adjusting our bodies, so changing poses is difficult. Is there any way to fix this mess?

Instead of making major shifts in positions, try making minor adjustments to keep your man's member from slipping out. So, rather than going from missionary to girl-on-top, for example, try variations of the same theme.

Say you start in missionary with your legs wrapped around his waist. Switch things up by placing your feet flat on his shoulders and putting a pillow under your butt, which will allow a deeper angle of penetration. Or, straighten out your legs underneath his and squeeze your thighs together for a tighter grip. When you're doing it doggie-style, go from being on all fours to lying down flat. Amp up the excitement even more by doing Kegels as he thrusts. If you're in girl-on-top mode, instead of sticking with up-and-down movements, mix it up by gyrating back and forth or in circles. You can also bend forward, so your chest is lying flat against his, or lean all the way back, resting your weight on your palms behind you. Or, try doing a 180, swiveling around with him still inside you so you end up facing his feet.

Just keep experimenting until you find ways to mix up your mattress moves that work for you. And, if he does happen to slip out mid-thrust, simply take hold of his penis and guide him back inside you. If he loses his erection, use your hand or mouth to bring him back to life and resume your carnal canoodling.

How can I try different positions when I'm self-conscious about my body?
My boyfriend wants to have sex in crazy positions with the lights on, but I'm ashamed of my body and don't want him to see every detail of it. We've been having sex in the dark, but he wants to see everything. What should I do?

Many women are bummed about how they look nude. But, while you may think your thighs are flabby or your stomach has rolls, your man probably hasn't even noticed. Guys don't zero in on the minute "imperfections" that women obsess over. And the fact that he wants to try "crazy" positions with you only shows how much you excite him...exactly the way you are.

If you're judging yourself while trying to feel pleasure, you won't be able to fully enjoy the experience. The first step to stop the body-bashing thoughts that can sabotage your sack sessions is to concentrate on how your body feels, rather than how it looks. Making more eye contact with your partner will also help keep you in the moment and up the intimacy factor.

While getting comfortable with baring it all in front of your man won't happen overnight, you can help boost your in-the-buff confidence by trying these tricks: Instead of jumping into lights-on action, light a bunch of mood-enhancing candles. Have sex in positions that highlight your assets. For instance, if you love your boobs, try girl-on-top mode. Or, if your booty is one of your favorite body parts, do it doggie-style. You can also let your guy feast his eyes on your form without showcasing all of your skin by donning sexy lingerie or wearing a slinky tank -- and nothing else. Leaving a little to your man's imagination can be a huge turn-on.

As you gradually get used to being ogled by your guy, your self-esteem -- and sexual satisfaction -- will skyrocket. After all, there's nothing sexier than a woman who loves her own bod. And that's the naked truth.

How do I "69" with my guy?
What exactly is "69" and how do I do it?

"69" refers to the carnal configuration that allows you and your man to give each other simultaneous oral action. It's called "69" because of the way it looks when you and your man match your mouths to each other's genitals. And, while it may take a little more coordination and confidence than other bedroom moves, the effort is usually worth it.

There are a few ways to tackle this maneuver. If you want to control how much pressure you receive, try the girl-on-top position. Straddle your guy's chest, facing his toes, lean forward, and straighten out your legs, so you have easy access to his below-the-belt area and he has access to yours. Another way to get into this pose is to have your man lie across the width of the bed with his head hanging slightly over the edge while you stand on the floor over him. Start kissing his mouth, then crawl over him onto the bed, licking your way down from his chest all the way to his groin until you're both in the mouth-to-genitals position.

If being on top gets a little tiring, or you just want to give your guy the randy reins, lie back and let him straddle you. One of the advantages of this pose: Your hands are free to titillate him even more. So, gently fondle his shaft, testicles, and perineum — the nerve-packed stretch of skin between his butt and balls — in conjunction with your mouth moves and you'll send currents of pleasure coursing through his bod.

Finally, there's the side-by-side pose, where you both lie of your sides facing each other, with your mouths directly in front of the other's genitals. If you bend your top legs at the knee and put your feet flat on the bed, you can use each other's lower thighs as a cushion to rest your heads.

All these positions might take a little maneuvering. The trick is to experiment until you figure out what works best for both of you. Also, don't freak if your erotic endeavors don't result in the most amazing orgasm ever. Some people find it difficult to concentrate on their own pleasure while focusing on their partner. If that's the case, just enjoy the act for what it is — an incredibly sexy, intimate way for you and your man to connect and turn each other on.

Why does he love doggie-style so much?
For some reason, my boyfriend is really into having sex in the doggie-style position, but I totally don't get the appeal. Plus, I hate giving him a front-row seat to my butt sticking up in the air. What is it about this pose that guys are so into?

Awww, doggie-style. Guys have been enjoying this position since the days when we gnawed on saber-toothed-tiger bones and dragged our girlfriends around by their hair. In fact, that's a major reason for its widespread appeal — the position is so primal that it brings us back to our animalistic roots. (Hello, it is named after a canine, after all.)

Another reason your guy rolls over and begs for doggie-style is because it feels so damn good. When he's on his knees, he's able to put more power behind his thrusting. Plus, this stance allows him to control the action without doing a number on his biceps. If you simply hate doing it doggie-style or you find it awkward and uncomfortable, then you need to level with him. Say, "Look, I know you love it, but I really don't enjoy it. Is there any other position you might like just as much?" That way, he won't feel like a sad kid who just lost his ice cream cone.

Now, if the real reason why you're so opposed to it is because you don't like him looking at your butt, I suggest you try to get over it. Trust me on this: He's too focused on how good it feels to notice how much cushion there is for the pushin'. More important, whether big or small, fit or not-so-toned, there's something about a chick's rear end that guys just go crazy for.

He's way taller than me
'm really looking forward to hooking up with this guy. I like him a lot and find him very sexually attractive, but there's a small problem. I'm 5'3" and he's 6'10"! Since it's awkward to hug when we're both standing, I'm worried that it's going to be tricky when we have sex. Any advice on good positions for oral sex and intercourse so things can line up and my nose won't be in his belly button?

You've got nothing to worry about. Countless couples varying in size and shape have figured out ways for their bodies to mesh. As soon as you and your new guy get it on, you'll learn to master carnal configurations that work for the two of you.

Given the size discrepancy, it might be hard for you to manage the 69 position, so during oral action take turns focusing on each other. As for doing the deed, the only position that might pose a problem is both of you standing. While your best bets are those positions in which you don't have to be aligned, such as woman-on-top and doggie-style, you can easily make the missionary work as long as he supports his weight with his arms,holding his body above yours. The even better news: Thanks to your out-of-sync sizes, you may be able to easily maneuver some moves that are difficult for more equally proportioned couples, like having him stand while holding you with your legs around his waist. Just remember, good sex is all about trial and error. You won't know exactly what will work until you experiment. And won't that be fun!

How can we spice up the man-on-top position?
I've had sex in different positions, but my favorite is missionary. I don't want to seem boring in bed. What variations can you suggest to make sex more exciting while sticking to such a traditional position?

You're one of many fans of the missionary position. And it's no surprise, considering that man-on-top mode is totally intimate, allowing you and your guy constant eye contact and easy access to kissing. Plus, it's relatively relaxing for you, putting him in control as you lie back and enjoy. But just because missionary puts you in a more passive role, that doesn't mean youneed to just lie there. There are plenty of ways you can work this position to spice up sex.

Once he's inside you, have him shift his body up toward your navel so that the base of his penis and pelvic bone press against your mons (the fatty pad of tissue on top of your public bone) and clitoris. Then, instead of him thrusting, rock your bodies against each other in a back-and-forth motion. With a few minor adjustments (experiment with a pillow beneath yourbutt to adjust the angle) you should be able to hit the clitoral jackpot.

If superdeep penetration is what you crave, draw your knees toward your chest and grasp the back of your thighs. You can also place the soles of your feet on his chest or, if you're really flexible, prop your ankles or legs up on his shoulders.

If you prefer shallow strokes, straighten your legs and keep them between his. Then, squeeze your thighs together as he glides in and out, creating extra friction against his shaft and your vaginal lips. If this motion misses your clitoris, try the pillow trick mentioned above.

Finally, feel free to experiment with your own variations on missionary until you find one you and your guy both love. And remember: It's not the positions you do that make you fun in bed. The most important factor for between-the-sheets success is pure, unbridled enthusiasm.